Dude Camp, Day Three
The Day of Recovery

Today, Her Highness of Cannondale got some new jewelry. Look how clean that cassette is. Everyone at camp is totally excited for Her Majesty and it's all everyone is talking about. "How's that cassette?" "Ohmygod, look at that cassette!" "Wow! That cassette looks soooo good! It, like, makes her look ten pounds lighter!" The dudes at Camp Dude talk mostly in exclamations.

This is Chris. He is an expert mechanic and a coffee expert. Here we see his answer to my question, "Hey, Chris, did you know Her Majesty has a new cassette? Doesn't it look so hot?" (FYI: Chris installed the cassette so the cassette joke got old fast. Except to me. To me it is the funniest joke ever. Besides calling up someone and asking, "Is your refrigerator running? Well, you better go catch it!" That's really the all-time best joke ever.)

After the ride, it was off to Old Tucson. Old Tucson is where they film movies and serve cotton candy for $400. They also have ice cream. The chocolate ice cream is called "Six Gun Salute Chocolate."

Not to get all PETA out or anything, but I was philosophically opposed to the selling of this fur. Not because it's an animal's winter coat and the animal probably needs it more than we do, but because it's ARIZONA and it was 70 DEGREES today.

So, I went to the lawyer to file my claim. I intended to sue Old Tucson for mental damage.

"Damage?" said the lawyer. "I'll show you damage." We went to the cemetary.

And the church.

And the schoolroom with the hidden speakers with voices of children spelling weird words and a teacher teaching them. Did they have hidden speakers in Old Tucson days? I didn't think so, so I decided to file another suit against Old Tucson for double mental damage.

The lawyer escorted me over to the Sheriff who showed me to my new accommodations. They keep telling me they don't know what "bail" is.

Here's what I'm daydreaming about while I await my "bail."