RACE REPORT: 2-Man TT
Herscher, IL

First--it's a 2-person time trial, to be politically correct.

Second--you do it with a partner so you can't run screaming and crying into the cornfields, your bike left bereft and withered in the two-lane country road, wheels still spinning, water bottles leaking some unnaturally-colored liquid onto a road that is not a road but is really a path to hell.


I did the 2-person TT with Jennifer Hill who is a trooper. And by "trooper" what I really mean is, she laughs at my jokes. We took off at 74, which means 10:14 am to normal people. Jennifer pulled first. I thought we were cruising. We were, actually, not that anyone saw us, so take my word for it, we were hitting somewhere around 38 mph. It was sunny, it was warm, it was summer, and we were on bikes. What a life-is-so-sweet day.

And then we took the first corner.

To describe this as a wall of wind would be an obscene understatement. I watched my computer--all the numbers dropped so dramatically I wondered if I was losing altitude. Jennifer and I spent much time trying to find the elusive sweet spot. For the record, when the wind is coming from every direction and it's coming at you at 324 mph, there is no sweet spot.

The hills looked like hills from far away but then they dissipated into false flats and I do believe I heard one or two of them laughing at us. Jennifer and I maintained. We hydrated. We did a lot of this: "Shit." "Damn." We hit the third corner and that sweet black top and smooth pavement and tailwind and it was like a glorious spa day. We hit 42 mph. Sure we did.

Then we did another lap because who doesn't want to race into a giant hairdryer of wind that seems to be shooting out from endless cornfields? On the back stretch, we felt really strong, so we got off the bikes and did a quick run through the aforementioned cornfields (just for a change of pace and, yes, in our bike shoes) and then we hopped back on the bikes and finished 'er up.

And we're still standing. Rock it, partner.

By the way, the next time you are in a 2-person time trial, try this joke:
Did you hear that the Pope got the bird flu? Yeah. He got it from the Cardinal.