This is the PowerTap. It records all kinds of information about my bicycle rides. I have recently discovered it is a big, fat liar. It says I am going significantly slower and generating much less power than I really am.

Thus, I challenged it to a duel. I marched up to it as it sat saucily on the handlebars of my dear, sweet Princess Cannondale (Best. Bike. Ever.) and I slapped it across the face with my dueling glove.

"PowerTap!" said I. "I challenge thee to a duel!"

The PowerTap looked longingly into the distance, but spoke not a word.

"PowerTap!" said I again. "We have a full season ahead of us! We are not to be trifling with numbers!" I am very exclamatory when challenging others to a duel. Duels have always brought out the exclamatoriness in me.

The PowerTap still refused to acknowledge my challenge. I am so sick of these inanimate objects stoically ignoring my calls to arms. I have this same problem with the vending machine at work. These things are spineless dirtbags.

Eventually, I gave up on the PowerTap. Clearly, it is not the dueling sort. I'm thinking it is probably more like the guerilla warfare sort, which means I better find camouflage bike shorts and sleep with one eye open.