THINK YOU GOT ME CONFUSED FOR A BETTER MAN
Sometimes you feel so raw you wonder if you’ll ever heal.
I don’t know why they do it, but the weather peeps on the 10:00 news seem to take much time to tell what the weather was before they get around to what the weather will be. This confuses me. Every night I wonder about it, I don’t mind saying. What’s confusing is, if you made it through the day, and you’re watching the news, you already know this information; and if you didn’t make it through the day, you’re probably not watching the weather report on the 10:00 news. “Must send letter,” I thought to myself as I drifted to sleep on the couch. I write very effective letters. Corporate entities really enjoy hearing from me.
Rules of Planet Kim:
* Inanimate objects reply;
* Citizens are defined by their partnership with their preferred writing utensil;
* Exclamation marks are banned by executive order and no you most certainly do not get an opportunity to speak on the exclamation marks’ behalf in front of a jury of its peers, this isn’t a democracy, fancy pants.
Planet Kim looks suspiciously similar to: Key West, the Caribbean, New York, Paris, depending upon the time portal by which you enter.
I issue the laws with the help of my Council—a purple Sharpie, a Pilot Precise V5 Rolling Ball Extra Fine Point in blue, and a green medium point felt tip “pen,” that’s leaning very close to marker-dom, but we’re not judging here. My Grama used to use a pen/marker like this. She used to write in cards: “I love you, Kimme.” That’s how she spelled my name. I still have those cards.
Laws of Planet Kim:
* Law #1—Every Sunday is community dinner night. Except dinner night starts during the day because Sunday afternoons are melancholy incarnate and besides, I’m severely self-conscious about my cooking. Sometimes it’s hard to get the writing utensils to cook (lack of opposable thumbs seems to make them sketchy decision makers when faced with intense heat and sharp knives), but they eventually figure out a way. The writing utensils on Planet Kim are not functionally fixated.
* Law #2—Everyone has to check in with at least three (3) people each week. Not the same three (3) people every week, different ones. And by “people,” I’m including you, lead pencils. Lead pencils have a tendency to be standoffish, but really that’s because they’re shy, don’t let the leather and the loud music scare you.
Checking in is defined as: making human contact with another human or writing utensil. The point is to let another entity know you’re thinking about them so that they go through their days knowing there are people in the world who are thinking of them.
* Law #3—I pushed for a weekly talent show, but as the Council pointed out, we’re dealing with people who floss with quantum physics, so I’m sure you can imagine the complexity of the acts. Algorithms need space to bloom, and by “space,” I mean “time,” because the two (2) are the same on Planet Kim, which is why the talent show is a monthly occurrence. Sometimes, though, the monthly talent show is really an Allman Brothers concert.