Power Love

Your definitive resource. That's all, just your definitive resource.

17 November 2011


What happened was: I was in this really big, ventilated box, chained to a chair, the promise of windows somewhere near but not seen, surrounded by office supplies, and suddenly the whole place morphs into a dragon and I'm plopped down in a vast field, the dragon at one end and me at the other and I'm like, "Shit, now I gotta fight a dragon," which isn't a negative, mind you, it just absorbs a lot of resources, so I send my knights out onto the battlefield ahead of me and some of them get firebombed, which is really annoying because just last week in dragon fighting class we learned how to avoid that exact same tactic but some of these guys--shit--it's like, they've been knighted, right, so they think they know it all, which is why I'm currently sponsoring legislation that would require all knights to go for yearly education certification and there's kinda been a bit of resistance from the knight unions on that but after the dragon battle I just witnessed I think we can all agree that the facts are on my side and so then, some of my knights are still standing but so is the dragon and so obviously I'm going to have to go to battle and my squire insists on putting on my armor, but I hate that shit, it gives me really bad hat hair so I strut out to the middle of the field and I'm like, "Dragon, today is your last day on Planet Kim," and the dragon laughs because it thinks it's big shit now--yesterday it was a location and today it's a dragon but you know what, yesterday I was trapped in a ventilated box and today I'm gonna decapitate a dragon so suck on that dragon breath and this is what I'm about to say when I see that the dragon has its claws out and is advancing rapidly and menacingly and in one hand it has a net and I've seen those nets before, once you're trapped in one it will take you eight years to get out, if you get out at all, and behind me I hear my knights yelling yesterday's dragon fighting lessons and from the Bose speakers in the sky I hear Led Zeppelin's "Kashmir," because I've requested that song to be played during all my battles and my stupid fucking brain freezes and so do my legs and I can't register what my knights are yelling and I can't get my legs to move and my arm goes numb and my sword falls to the ground with a loud CLANG and the dragon advances and it's so close now I can smell its breath and it needs a breath mint desperately and right when the dragon raises its knife-like claw I suddenly remember the gun in my waist band and I pull it out, aim, blow the dragon away and one of my knights yells, "ANACHRONISM!" which makes me happy since we learned about anachronisms in yesterday's film class, which we had after dragon fighting class, so at least one knight is retaining some of the free education he's getting, and perhaps I'm not battling according to the rules of proper engagement but it is a box that's morphed into a dragon, after all, and sometimes survival trumps rules and just at that point the sky turns blue and the sun shines brightly and Led Zeppelin's "Ramble On" blasts out of the Bose speakers in the sky, and all at once, no one is bitching about bringing a gun to a sword fight because they're too busy tanning themselves and finally I can breathe and maybe now it's time to walk away, before the next war starts.