Race Report: Elk Grove Village, IL


These are the leggy pros. Prize purse was huge for their race--a free leg waxing and a "Dopers Suck" t-shirt. As you may guess, the final sprint was a scorcher.





In other news, the women's 3/4 race was renamed, "How Not To Hold Your Line" and was reclassified as a "clinic." The instructors were from a local team, that is not Apache, who showed the field how to grab a water bottle while wobbling all over the road. Another item on the agenda: how to move around the pack without looking and therefore causing a rippling, scattering effect, much like lightning striking water.

For my part, I taught the field how to enjoy a comedy of errors by performing my patented attack-but-not-really move, which I have perfected in countless group rides. As a result of this fine but poorly-timed performance, I ended up mid-field in the end, grousing about like a hyperventilating pig.

Cheers to Pascale "This Isn't Our Race" Petro, who proved definitively that yes, it was her race. Seventh place puts you in the money and respect. Rightly so, friend.