Power Love

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31 October 2008


Does anyone else miss Kurt Vonnegut as much as I do? I love God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater. Also, it would be cool to have Kilgore Trout over for dinner.

Here's a live action account of what's happening at ORD (we are on a nickname basis, me and the airport)--

1. There are 4.5 million Starbucks here. Every drink costs more than a house. Which isn't saying much, considering the current housing market situation.
2. There are 3.2 million Hudson News stores. Given that I've been brainwashed and robotically gravitate towards any fashion magazine within a two mile radius, this is good.
3. I'm sitting at the gate where peeps are waiting to depart for Philadelphia. They keep talking about cheesesteaks and some baseball game.
4. #3 is a lie. They aren't talking about cheesesteaks.
5. I keep wanting to spell "cheesesteak" cheesestake, as though there is something that is at stake and cheesy.

Do you know what's happening at gate B7? Well, that's the gate where the 8:38am flight for New Hampshire is leaving from. But that NH flight isn't leaving until after the flights going to New York and Boston leave. Did I mention I'm a wee bit early for my flight? Good thing I'm making use of my time in a wise and efficient manner. After I finish this blog entry, I'm going to end world hunger.

Last time I was this early for a flight, which was the last time I flew (and boy were my arms tired!), I was waiting patiently for my flight at the gate they said it was leaving from and do you know what they did? THEY CHANGED GATES ON ME! Yes. I had to bolt down the terminal to get to it, the flight attendants were calling last call, then they were calling my name, "Looking for passenger Kim Morris. Kim Morris, please report to gate NotWhatYouThought." And I was all, "Hey, the screen said gate OverThere." And the flight attendant said, "Did you check the monitors?" Well, of course I checked the monitors. Do you really think someone who is so anal they show up a day in advance of a flight would not check the monitors? Then the flight attendant said, "Did you check the monitors in the last hour?" Well, she had me there. No, I did not. I assumed that when the monitor said gate OverThere, it meant gate Over There. But that's not how things work in the twiliight zone known as the airport. THINGS CHANGE VERY QUICKLY AROUND HERE, and you have to be on your toes.

Today, I am constantly checking the monitors. The other thing I noticed is, if you are leaving to go somewhere, you are DEPARTING. So, don't check the ARRIVALS monitor. That information will not help you, and may possibly cause you to go into cardiac arrest. I mean, if you were, like, anal or something.

Here are some other newsy informative information tidbits:

1. Barack Obama is running for president
2. There is something happening with the economy that is not good
3. The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory has a giant stuffed bear sitting out in front of it and he looks lonely and I want to take him with me, but he is too big for a carry on
4. There is a disturbing lack of electrical outlets in the United terminal
5. I'm re-evaluating my stubborn insistence on early arrivals

Over the intercom here in good ole ORD, they periodically play a ghostly voice that says something that I suppose should be haunting, but since the speakers are the quality of those on the el, it comes out like static punctuated with a ghostly laugh. That is terrorism, pure and simple.