What I Would Do If I Didn't Have a Job
1. Write an 800-word treatise to the writers of "Lost" wherein I would explain the importance of moving a story forward and the annoyance of female characters who are one second kicking ass and the next second screaming in panic like wuss ass wussassifers.
2. Write an 800-word treatise to the City of Chicago wherein I would explain why the Department of Streets and Sanitation should scrape the ice off my car and warm it up by remote control and not steal or mess up any part of the car therein. Part Two would be a clause stating how this is perfectly reasonable since I pay taxes. Part Three would state, "Dammit."
3. Hang out at Target.
4. Go bankrupt.
5. Show up at my friends' workplaces and under my breath say things like, "Sucka workin for the man," and "Show me the money! Your money! I need coffee!"
6. Eat Ramen Noodles, various flavors.
7. Stand outside The Dressing Room and drool.
8. Drink. Not coffee.
9. Call my friends at their workplaces and repeat #5.
10. Sleep.