Power Love

BLOOD LUST AND FURY

So then Uniqua shows up and we know that this is a trap. She's

clearly a spy. But for what agency? That's always the question, isn't it? But she's clearly up to something, just look at that face, and The Writers are always on guard for this sort of thing because we are highly trained professionals and we have lived this life for a long, long time, and we are not easily fooled.

Uniqua acts like everything is all cool and she's gonna "just hang" with us for the day and, "Oh? You're celebrating Megan's birthdaysary today?" we are (again) not fooled because we know someone else made up the term "birthdaysary," not her, and we are (again) not easily fooled.

Here is what you need to know about pinata spies:

1. They are usually pink.

2. They are usually stuffed with newspaper, Sharpies, and brain candy.

3. They shed.

4. They have oddly stiff facial expressions.

5. They drink. A lot.

6. They will shoot you dead the second you turn your back.

We lured Uniqua to our top secret location, code name: Montrose Avenue Dog Beach. We gave her the seat of honor. She suspected foul play. We said, "Fowl play? There's no chickens here to help you, ENEMY OF THE STATE!" At this, Uniqua whipped out her magic numchuks and started fighting! It was chaos! It was undue stress and cacophony. It was high octane violence of the kind the world has never seen!

The Writers are a peacful bunch, but when faced with a kill or be killed situation, we are reminded of our extensive and somewhat painful basic training and we do what all guardians of national security do in these situations: We make mimosas.

Then the madness ensued. We reminded ourselves of the Geneva Convention. We reminded ourselves of basic human decency. But, people, I implore you, consider what you would do if you were equipped to squash pure evil and that pure evil was right there in front of you.