Why you shouldn't poke your eyes outta your head just because you're bored.

Alternatives to poking your eyes outta your head just because you're bored:

1. Chew gum. Crack it.
2. Find some string and do that cat's cradle, lace-through-the-fingers thing you used to do all the time in 6th grade, which may make you wonder, now, as an adult, why you spent so much time doing that but absolutely no time learning how to sew, which would come in handy now, when you seem to have an inexplicable, fiery passion for clothes you can't afford that don't even fit you anway but you know, for a fact, that if you could sew, you would have the World's Coolest Wardrobe Ever and also probably you'd be rich and really healthy and rich
3. Text all your friends without using consonants
4. Fly to a tropical island, get a lay of the land, carve a really sharp knife out of the husk of a native fruit, stage a coup
5. Make sure you are wearing khakis and a light-colored shirt while you stage the coup
6. It will make you look cooler on TV if you do
7. You might want to have your own camera crew with you while you do this--CNN doesn't pick up just any old coup, you know
8. Learn parkour
9. Be parkour
10. At this point, you're probably delving too deeply into the storyline of the last Bond movie, which is gonna get you a big, fat lawsuit from Hollywood, which will cripple you financially, though probably also make you a tabloid star and, if you play your cards right, a YouTube and MySpace star, but still, that shit's not gonna pay your bills, so maybe you should just file your nails.