OH YEAH? WELL...YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY

Here's the after picture:


Check out the nose. It's like a shiner, but, you know, not really 'cuz it's my nose, not my eye. Yeah, I know, right? TOUGH! AND, you should see the other guy. And when I say "other guy," I mean, the floor of the Metro.






Here’s the before picture. Please note my nose. It’s straight and unbloodied. A straight unbloodied nose is a good thing because: 1. You can breathe through it; 2. You don’t look like you just finished Round 1 of Iggy Pop’s School of Boxing and Mosh Pitting.





Let's recap Friday night's funtivities, shall we?

First, I went over to Nick's and we hung out. It was good because we talked about music and writing and had a few drinks and it's always good to hang out with Nick because he is a noble spirit and also, he laughs at my jokes and those are two qualities that define the goodness of a human.

Second, we went to The Gingerman because we were gonna go see the Gutter Twins show and the line outside the Metro was like 4.23 million miles long and that is a long line.

Third, we had a few more drinks and talked about life, which is good, and perhaps it was at this point that I should've taken into account the following few things: 1. I had not slept in 24 hours; 2. I had not eaten in 12 hours; and 3. the PMS I was at that point experiencing was manifesting itself in the form of a complete loss of equilibrium, and because matter is neither created nor destroyed, just rerouted, my equilibrium was at that point being rerouted in the form of brain deadness, which caused me to do things like text Nick this message: "The Damen stop is closed." Which is a true statement, yes, but irrelevant since the Damen stop had nothing to do with our evening. Though, for a brief moment that happened to coincide with the same exact moment I pressed the Send button on my phone, I thought that the Damen stop being closed was going to make us very, very late for the show and this made me panic.

Fourth, crowded shows are awesome because if you can't stand up, the people around you kinda force you to do so, you know, because there's really no where to go but into their shoulders, although take my advice--once you run into a stranger more than once, they get kinda pissed and move away from you, and then just try to stand up on your own, sleepless, hungry, and drunk.

Fifth, I don't know who's big idea it was to put STAIRS in the Metro, but I object.

Sixth, I did not realize I fell until I realized that there was something hard, salty, and gritty on my face.

Seventh, my guess is that it was a world-class face plant and you can bet I'm trying out for the Olympic Face Plant team.

So. Once Nick convinced me that my face was spouting blood, there is something hazy in that moment where I suspect the Metro peeps did something security-ish, which involved bringing me to the man with the blue gloves and the alcohol and the gauze strips who very kindly said to me, "What happened?" And I said: IAMSOPMSINGANDIDON'THAVEENOUGHTIMETOFINISHEVERYTHINGIHAVETODO
ANDIHAVEN'TEATENANDIDIDN'TREALIZEITUNTILJUSTNOWANDMYBIKENEEDSATUNEUP BUTIDON'THAVETHETOOLSFORITANDITHINKMYCOMPUTERISABOUTTODIEONMEANDIF ITDOESTHATWILLDESTROYMYWORLD

And the blue-gloved Metro dude with the alcohol and the gauze strips handed me a clean gauze strip and said, "Here. Put this on your nose." And it was at this point I realized what was happening--I'm sitting on a chair in the hallway of the Metro at 4:00 in the morning, while a crowd shuffles out through the adjacent hallway and there is the blue-gloved dude sitting on a chair to my right and a security-ish dude standing in front of me and Nick standing on my left and it is at this point I start laughing. Because, people falling is really funny to me, and me falling is even funnier to me, but me face planting at 4am at the Metro after a Gutter Twins show is really fucking hysterical.

And then I noticed that Nick was holding my glasses and they were not cracked. And most importantly, Nick was there.

I have had the displeasure to know enough people who would skip out after a face plant like that and I'm really glad I wasn't with any of them. Then there was paperwork to be filled out, which included suggestions like, "You should go to the hospital and get stitches on that." To which I replied, "No way." Because, you know, bad enough that I'm spouting blood in the middle of the Metro, I'm not really keen on doing it at a hospital, too, and the best part of this whole interaction was that that the blue-gloved dude and the security-ish dude did not talk to me like I was an idot, which, obviously, I CLEARLY WAS and I AM WELL AWARE OF IT, and even though I was weepy and drunk, I was still aware of how lucky I was to be okay after such a spectacular face plant and obviously and thankfully, lucky that Nick was there to pick up the pieces.

And also, it was a kick ass show.