PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
These are my legs. Or, really, one of them. The other one is on the other side of Her Majesty of Cannondale, doing something, I guess, the left leg has always been a bit of a rebel, and now, with the blood clot inside of it, it seems to feel entitled to do things like duck out of pictures and get pervy close to Her Majesty’s water bottles. But, the legs came as a set and I can’t return them now (already been worn, obvious marks of use) and besides, I’m kinda attached to them at this point.
Ha! Attached! Get it?
Because of the blood clot that has nestled itself cozily on the inside of the vein wall in my left knee, it has occurred to me that I might drop dead. Of course, we’re all going to drop dead at some point. Sorry to ruin the ending for you, but it’s true. But also, being ardently aware of your own mortality makes you think of the things you haven’t done and, if you’re like me, you start thinking about the things you really, really want to do and why you don’t do them and when you think about it, you realize how lazy and taking-life-for-granted you’ve been, and so you set goals and you go out and achieve them. Or you eat an exorbitant amount of ice cream.
Of course, dropping dead is not really the only end game in this blood clot business, but it does make for some long periods of reflection. This is why I convened a Top Secret Meeting of the Brain Trust that is the Team Power Love Editorial Board, wherein we created the following doctrine, available now for free or by download for $9.99:
“Henceforth and moreover, the rest of the summer will see a change in focus of content on the Team Power Love interwebnetweblog. Power Love will no longer bring you the current market rates and diminishing returns of the Swahili love bird, we will now switch our focus and become the world’s preeminent bike blog, complete with pictures of empty, flat, country roads, and detailed descriptions of riding 100 miles at 12mph while trying to decide if that tingle in the nose is from allergies or Adult-Onset Bewitched Syndrome (AOBS).
In addition, the switch in content will help us better compete in the marketplace, appeal to our yet-to-be loyal cycling sponsors, and will continue the spirit of goal-attaining that was previously established by accomplishing this crazy feat of love.
To wit, the goal for the summer is to enter and finish at least, but not limited to, three (3) road bicycle races. Races can be of any caliber or distance, but the lower the caliber and the lesser the distance, the less likely the lungs will explode. (As alert Power Love readers know, exploding lungs are very bad for the skin. Leaves an odd orange hue, much like misapplied tanning lotion.) A schedule of races will be forthcoming. Race reports will be recorded in their entirety and true to fact, as everything on the Power Love interwebnetweblog is. We are nothing if not honest journalism. Please send all questions and media inquiries to Team Power Love, PO Box 000, Chicagogogoville, IL, 60666. Or, leave a comment in the comments section, and we will respond accordingly.”
Well, if you think that isn’t the most cleverly crafted press release, you have spent far too much time all goofed up on the gob.
Thanks to all our supporters and believers (Mom).