Power Love

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06 March 2007

Wolf Like Me

I am a rock star. Yes I am. I decided this today, at work, in my cubicle, the gray cubicle, the one that faces a row of gray tubs that hold mail. People at work walk by the mail tubs and toss in envelopes or packages and later the mailroom guys come around and take the mail to the mailroom where it's stamped and sent. Sometimes the people who toss the mail in the tubs have to walk farther to the tubs than to the mailroom itself, but this doesn't seem to be odd to anyone. When envelopes or packages are tossed into the tubs, the tubs knock together. They make a "thwap" sound. They are plastic. The tubs seem to like each other.

As I said, the mail tubs are gray. So is the carpet around my cubicle. The file cabinets in my cubicle are also gray. Sometimes I wear my bright pink fuzzy scarf during the day, to offset the gray. It doesn't work. The bright pink fuzz simply accentuates the gray. Sometimes this makes my left eye twitch. Other times, I bite my nails. Not today, though.

Today I put my headphones on, cruised on over to TV on the Radio's MySpace page and blasted "Wolf Like Me" into my brain. If you go to their page right now, you'll see the stats for Plays Today for that song. That's me! 4,258!

Somewhere around play #2,356, it occurred to me that I was daydreaming about a warehouse-like room packed with people, with a stage at one end. I'm seeing it from behind my own back, so the lights are bright in my eyes, but I can see my tattoo on my shoulder, so I know that I'm singing with my band on the stage and beyond me, the audience is moving as though they're in one of those bouncy air-floor things that lucky kids always have at their birthday parties--the ones you climb into without shoes on, the ones someone always throws up in. I am so wailing on my guitar, which fits me perfectly. I can't really play the guitar in real life, but I'm willing to learn because according to my daydream, I can rock the fuck outta this song.
My band is really my friends who are amazing musicians and also very good cooks. On this night, my friends made a great dinner with lots of protein and now, we are rocking out so hard it sounds like thunder and it looks like we are infused with oodles of energy. We are jumping around the stage. We are always moving. Great gobs of loud guitar and bass and drums and vocals are pounding out of our speakers. We are occassionally doing coordinated headbanging, but it's not cheesy like Winger or those She's-My-Cherry-Pie dudes. It's cool, like We-Are-Really-Into-This-AND-We-Are-Amazing-Musicians-AND-YES!-Kim-CAN-Play-The-Guitar. And you know I'm serious because only serious descriptions have that many hyphens.

The best part of this daydream is that the audience is doing EXACTLY WHAT WE THE BAND ARE DOING! They are so rockin out with us. They are doing the coordinated uncheesy headbanging. Now they're doing the jumping around stuff. Now the hair swinging. Now the fist pumping. We are one whole big room ROCKING THE FUCK OUT and I grab the mic and sing something about gut that fish and, later, blowing your mongrel mind and we are all one big beautiful force moving together and getting it, you know, REALLY GETTING EACH OTHER and it is so great I don't care that I'm gonna lose my voice after this show and I don't care that my fingers are bleeding because I forgot to use a pick. I mean, look at all these great people all wrapped up in one big messy human blob, rockin it together . . .

And as far as I look, in every direction, I see no gray anywhere.