MARGOT AND KIM TAKE MANHATTAN, LIKE THE MUPPETS DID, BUT WITH COOLER CLOTHES
It started, probably, in Ohio. Or maybe western Pennsylvania. Considering I have no idea what our flight pattern was, it could’ve hit us first in Chicago. Anyway, what I do know is, it was rain and it was “pelting.” This is the meteorological term used to describe “rain that wants to kill you.” The reason I know it wanted to kill us is: Our descent into Long Island, New York, lasted about 14 days and felt less like an airplane descending and more like a rollercoaster to hell. We had some huge drops that felt like that awesome part of the American Eagle—the last drop, the one where there’s a pause and then you fall and it’s like, “YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!” But usually that happens in the summer, when it’s sunny, and you are waving your arms in the air, and you are attached to something. On our plane ride into Long Island we were not attached to anything. This is why the woman a few rows up from us barfed. It’s also why everyone on the plane was gripping their arm rests to the point where they were white-knuckled. It’s also why everyone applauded after we landed safely.
Things not to discuss while flying through air pockets at 20,000 feet:
3. The impossibility of an after life
Upon arrival at Long Island, we made our way to what we thought would be a taxi, but then realized that the shuttle that stopped running at 10:30pm, was actually still running. At midnight! Who knew! The driver’s name was not discovered, but he was there, “as a coidesy.” He was round. He told his mother to invest in Starbucks. He said, “You listenin’ ta me? You listenin’ ta me?” whenever he wanted to say something. And, he was very nice. Know why? He made us sit in the shuttle until the train to Manhattan came. Know why? “’Cuz one time, I had this girl, and I tell her, ‘Don’t go walkin’ around, awright?’ And what’s she do? She goes walkin’ off to the left over dere, and you know what? They took her luggage and her money and they beat the shit outta her.” And so, we were saved. Also, it was raining. “Cats and dogs.” This is yet another meteorological term that means, “Suck it, Morris, you shoulda brought your umbrella.”
Upon arrival in New York, we promptly made our way, via a cab that smelled of tremendously fried food, to the East Village. However, from Penn Station to the East Village, there were many things to see. Things to know about Manhattan at 2am:
1. From the door of the buildings to the curb of the street, there is much sidewalk
2. It wasn’t just the cab that smelled of tremendously fried food
3. Tremendously fried food is not a bad thing
4. There are no alleys in Manhattan, which I’m sure, Alert Power Love reader, makes you wonder: Where do the bike messengers go? Must they travel via streets with civilians? Blech.
The continuing saga of Margot and Kim Take Manhattan from the Muppets will continue tomorrow, after I drink more coffee. Or, you can go read Margot's account of the adventures on her blog.