NON SEQUITUR

Now I'm gonna be a calligrapher. This is my new occupation. It was this or a pirate, but as it turns out, pirating is not just about eye patches and yelps of "Argh!" Apparently, piracy is illegal in most jurisdictions and also, did you know modern pirates generally use motorboats? I learned that tidbit form the pantheon of crediblity, Wikipedia.

If I had a job that demanded I drive a motorboat, I would be James Bond. James Bonding would be cooler than pirating, I think, mostly because James Bonding requires copious consumption of martinis, which I don't think they serve on pirating motorboats. I think on pirating motorboats they serve glog. Maybe they call it "Glargh!" though?

Anyway, that's why I decided to become a calligrapher. Calligraphy, as you may know Alert Power Love Reader, is the art of applying curlicues to letters. It's an ancient Roman art form originally developed to disguise military orders as invitations to tea. Not many people know this, but there was time in Roman history when enemies of the Roman Empire, grossly misled by misinterpreted intercepted correspondence, would arrive at tea parties.

Soldiers showed up, swords unsheathed and gleaming, only to be reprimanded by polite ladies in sun bonnets. One should never unsheath a sword at a tea party, at least not before the crudites are served. Soldiers would hang their heads in shame and walk home, dejected. And this is how the Roman Empire was created. So you see, calligraphying is a very important art form.

Although, now that I think about it, despite the whole Roman Empire/unsheathed sword/enemy soldier thing, calligraphy is a rather sedentary practice. I think maybe I'm looking for something a bit more active. Like treasure chest hunter, which may or may not force me to reassess my ideas about piracy.