This is why the holidays suck:
1. Santa does not exist
2. No, he does not
3. Buying presents doesn’t show someone how much you care about them, it shows how good you are at finding the sale rack
4. Christmas carols were originally intended as a torture device, one in which the torturee gouged his/her own eyeballs out of his/her own head and therefore relieved the torturers of any responsibility for said torture
5. Snow is not your friend

This is why the holidays rule:
1. You only have to put up with them once a year
2. You only have to put up with them once a year
3. You only have to put up with them once a year
4. You only have to put up with them once a year
5. You only have to put up with them once a year