FREAKERS AND WACKADOODLES

So then we were followed by a Memphisan ketchup bottle. He was cute, but kinda needy. Like, every picture we took, he stuck his head in it. It was like, "Dude. I'm trying to take a picture of the hamburger." And the ketchup bottle was like, "I know, but I go with hamburgers, so lemme in." And it's like, what're ya gonna do? Deny the ketchup bottle his place in the sun? No. No you are not.

So then we had this server. He had black hair and was kinda bulky. In that manly man way. And hotshitohmygodmykneesaremelting--his voice. I am a dead-gone sucker for a man with a soft southern accent. Really. And this guy had one. And also, HE SERVED ME BEER. So, obviously, he was Jesus.

Here's a sample of the convo me and GMo had with Jesus the Server:

Me: May I have another Heineken?

JServe: Sure. (Wink.) You bet. (Head nod.)

Me: Giggle, giggle (dumb giggle, too, which: EMBARRASSING.)(But not really.)

Here's another sample of the convo me and GMo had with Jesus the Server:

JServe: Here's your apple dumpling dessert, ladies. Careful. It's hot.

GMo: It's what?

JServe: Hot.

Me: What?

JServe: Hot.

Me: Can you say that in my other ear?

JServe: Hot.

Me: Can you say that in my other other ear?

JServe: What the fuck is your problem?

Me: Hot? Say hot again, in that accent. Just say it.

JServe: Get out.

Me: JUST SAY HOT AGAIN, SHIT, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

JServe: Security!

So that went well.

What kind of sauce is the ketchup posing with? HOT sauce.