An Open Letter to Me 45 Years from Now from Me Right Now

Byron wrote himself a letter and sent it to his 70-something year-old self, but the post office mismanaged the delivery and I received it instead. It's here.

I felt bad for my Me 45 Years from Now, because I would be sad, sitting there some random Sunday night at 2nd Story, listening to people tell stories, and realizing that I never wrote me a letter to tell me what I should remember. So I decided to get on that:

Dear Me 45 Years from Now,
Great shoes. Are those Italian?

I wanted to remind you of a few things because you'll probably forget.

First, yes, you should go on that road trip. Have your eyeballs surgically enhanced so you don't go crashing into light poles and then drive across America. Bring music. It's okay to bring all that grunge you have. You listened to it without admitting it in 2007, you might as well listen to it and admit it in 2052. Also, make sure you scream the "why? why? why? can't it be miiiiiiiiine?" part from Pearl Jam's "Black." It'll hurt your tender throat, but that's a really great lyric and you're not gonna be singin once you're dead, so enjoy it now.

Pay for the surgically enhanced eyeballs by selling pints of blood. They'll need your blood. It's vintage. Every stylish person worth their weight in thrift store finds will want it.

Grow out your hair. Do not pin it back. Always, always make sure it's wind blown.

When you thank a young teenage boy for bagging your groceries, lean in and whisper in his ear, "I want to fuck your brains out." And when he stares at you in shock, look old and pat him on the arm and say, "Did you say something, honey?"

Tell your remaining friends you love them.

Paint your nails black. Act punk.

Ask the sales ladies at expensive clothes stores if you can see their age-appropriate clothes. Set fire to them when they do. The clothes, not the sales ladies.

Laugh out loud, even when walking down the street alone.

Eat hamburgers. With fries.

Do not ever, no matter what, throw out your precious Guns N Roses "Get in the Ring Motherfucker" Tour 1990-1991 t-shirt. Wear it to parties.

If you can't remember all those great memories you have, don't worry about it. You had a great time.

Best,
Me in 2007