Power Love

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31 October 2008


Hello, alert Power Love reader. Today's episode is all about travel. That's because I'm sitting in O'Hare airport waiting for a flight to New Hampshire. It's 5:56am. That's awesome, because my flight leaves at 8:38am. Right now I'm re-evaluating two things:

1. My stubborn insistence on early arrivals
2. My stubborn insistence on early arrivals

So far, they took away my toothpaste. It was 4 ounces. It should've only been 3.4. Then the very nice man who took my toothpaste told me what 3.4 ounces in metric language is, but I didn't get it. I'm an American. We don't talk metric. Anyway, toothpaste is overrated. I'm gonna try and go the whole weekend without it. I hear they don't have toothpaste stores in New Hampshire.

Did I mention it's 6:00 in the morning? Why does one show up this early to the airport? One shows up this early to the airport because if one did not, one would be sitting at home, on the couch, biting one's nails, wondering how long it takes to get to the airport. In case you're wondering, it takes 23 minutes to get from Lincoln Square to O'Hare when you leave at 4:50am. Also, the roads were very empty. Also, I went to bed at midnight. Also, I'm re-evaluating my stubborn insistence on early arrivals.

For my next entry, I will tell you all about Nick, who drove me to the airport. I will also tell you about the airport dude who took my toothpaste. He wouldn't tell me his name, but he was very friendly. For the record, I didn't like that toothpaste anyway. It tasted like salt. I know this because there was hardly any left, so I was able to use almost the whole thing and that gave me well-rounded information on its saltiness.

Right now I'm re-evaluating my stubborn insistence on early arrivals.


Does anyone else miss Kurt Vonnegut as much as I do? I love God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater. Also, it would be cool to have Kilgore Trout over for dinner.

Here's a live action account of what's happening at ORD (we are on a nickname basis, me and the airport)--

1. There are 4.5 million Starbucks here. Every drink costs more than a house. Which isn't saying much, considering the current housing market situation.
2. There are 3.2 million Hudson News stores. Given that I've been brainwashed and robotically gravitate towards any fashion magazine within a two mile radius, this is good.
3. I'm sitting at the gate where peeps are waiting to depart for Philadelphia. They keep talking about cheesesteaks and some baseball game.
4. #3 is a lie. They aren't talking about cheesesteaks.
5. I keep wanting to spell "cheesesteak" cheesestake, as though there is something that is at stake and cheesy.

Do you know what's happening at gate B7? Well, that's the gate where the 8:38am flight for New Hampshire is leaving from. But that NH flight isn't leaving until after the flights going to New York and Boston leave. Did I mention I'm a wee bit early for my flight? Good thing I'm making use of my time in a wise and efficient manner. After I finish this blog entry, I'm going to end world hunger.

Last time I was this early for a flight, which was the last time I flew (and boy were my arms tired!), I was waiting patiently for my flight at the gate they said it was leaving from and do you know what they did? THEY CHANGED GATES ON ME! Yes. I had to bolt down the terminal to get to it, the flight attendants were calling last call, then they were calling my name, "Looking for passenger Kim Morris. Kim Morris, please report to gate NotWhatYouThought." And I was all, "Hey, the screen said gate OverThere." And the flight attendant said, "Did you check the monitors?" Well, of course I checked the monitors. Do you really think someone who is so anal they show up a day in advance of a flight would not check the monitors? Then the flight attendant said, "Did you check the monitors in the last hour?" Well, she had me there. No, I did not. I assumed that when the monitor said gate OverThere, it meant gate Over There. But that's not how things work in the twiliight zone known as the airport. THINGS CHANGE VERY QUICKLY AROUND HERE, and you have to be on your toes.

Today, I am constantly checking the monitors. The other thing I noticed is, if you are leaving to go somewhere, you are DEPARTING. So, don't check the ARRIVALS monitor. That information will not help you, and may possibly cause you to go into cardiac arrest. I mean, if you were, like, anal or something.

Here are some other newsy informative information tidbits:

1. Barack Obama is running for president
2. There is something happening with the economy that is not good
3. The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory has a giant stuffed bear sitting out in front of it and he looks lonely and I want to take him with me, but he is too big for a carry on
4. There is a disturbing lack of electrical outlets in the United terminal
5. I'm re-evaluating my stubborn insistence on early arrivals

Over the intercom here in good ole ORD, they periodically play a ghostly voice that says something that I suppose should be haunting, but since the speakers are the quality of those on the el, it comes out like static punctuated with a ghostly laugh. That is terrorism, pure and simple.


The people waiting at the gate that says Puerto Rico are way happier than the people waiting at the gate that says Boston. Also, the Bostonians have a stubborn refusal to acknowledge the letter R. As I am a big fan of the letter R, I could only spend a few minutes there before I wanted to poke my eyeballs out.

Four out of five fashion magazines recommend purchasing fringe boots for the winter season. I'm not such a big fan of fringe boots.

They have just posted the words, "MANCHESTER, NH," on the screen above gate B7. I am watching this carefully, however. I know how this gate business works. I suspect in a few minutes, when I'm looking away, down the terminal at the woman wearing the witch/devil/airport security costume, that they will switch the flight to NH to gate C45. Too bad the C terminal is in Iowa. It's going to require much stamina on my part to get there. But I'll do it because I am disciplined and determined.

My efforts to solve world hunger have failed. Apparently, pizza is not the answer.

27 October 2008


I wrote a story and now I get to tell it. At Red Kiva, where the martinis flow and the music blows your mind. It’ll be great and awesome and I have inside information that the stories being told are of the most excellent variety. Please come join us.

Red Kiva
1108 W Randolph
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
More info here.

15 October 2008


Apparently, I have a blog. This was brought to my attention while I was in the south of France on a top secret mission for the company I work for. Espionage has a way of making you forget about things like blogs.

Apparently, I also write fiction. And guess what? The awesome Word Riot has published one of my stories and you can read it right here.

Word Riot is cool like espionage and delusions. Read on, alert Power Love reader.