Your definitive resource. That's all, just your definitive resource.
30 July 2006
26 July 2006
Recently, Power Love sat down to interview amazing local writer and soon to be amazing international writer, J. Adams Oaks. Oaks is a millionaire living on a remote Caribbean island, squandering coconuts, considering the tasty benefits of kale, and pondering how to quench his despotic thirst for power.
* Describe the latest project you are working on. Any project at all.
I am currently working on 19 stories simulaneously and getting none of them done, while using them all as procrastination to avoid working on the neverending novel. I will say, however, that my latest project does require top secret research and scaling barbed-wire fences.
* Recently, we discussed the ramifications of a battle between Batman and Superman. Will you reiterate your thoughts on that as I cannot remember what you said since I think I was eating something fried at the time and as you know, eating is very difficult, intellectually.
I don't think it's fair to pit the two against each other, because Batman has no real powers. A better match would be Spiderman vs. Superman or Batman vs. Daredevil. I do think that if they HAD to fight each other and were prepared for it, Batman would definitely make some Kryptonite-filled bat boomerangs.
* Talk about 2nd Story and what I should wear if I ever read at a show.
IF? IF? No, your time is quickly approaching and you WILL be finely dressed. I know that it will be stunning and I can guess with 85% accuracy that it will be bought at THE DRESSING ROOM. I do highly suggest something sexy, because there are always lots o' hotties in the audience who will be impressed by your brilliance.
* Flag burning: crime, traitorness, or freedom of expression?
Fuck that flag. Let's focus on proving our patriotism in other ways like equal rights and helping the poor. Oops. Can you say the F word in your blog? Is your mom going to read this? I meant "screw the damn flag."
* Discuss the pros and cons of writing a first-person narrative. Please be succint and witty.
I once knew this 43-year old man who walked into a bar with a potbellied pig on his head. How's that for my succinct, witty opinion of first person narrative? Is it a pro? Is it a con? I can't tell you. Oh, who are we kidding?!? Everybody LOVES first-person narrative. It's the way of the world. It's the future in commerce. It's the new language of politics. Am I right here? Gimme some love.
* I have it on good authority that you are currently journalling a story about various friends of yours, all of whom happen to be the same gender. Talk about this "Kim" and how she is witty, intelligent, and modest. Please mention her amazing shoe collection.
More than anything, this piece I'm working on in the hopes of presenting it at one of the 2nd Story readings is thematically about greatness and intellectual superiority. That I use a character named "Kim" to repeatedly reinforce these themes is purely coincidental. I will say I have been doing some top secret research into a real person I am basing this "Kim" on who in all actuality is kind, loving, thin, bright and makes a mean garlic bread. I can give you no more information until the piece is completed.
* We've had many discussions about being fabulous and forty. Frankly, I think you're already there. Thank you for taking the time to talk to Power Love. And also, that outfit you wear with the blue collared shirt under the black t-shirt with the matching blue graphics looks good on you.
I thank you, Power Love, for your time and compliments. If you'd like to delve deeper into my work and wit, please feel free to visit http://www.jadamsoaks.blogspot.com/. Take care and best wishes to all of your millions of fans.
25 July 2006
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod, George Saunders and Margaret Atwood in the same vehicle . . . if I could be there with my bike, that would sooooo be my heaven: This Guy Writes Good
23 July 2006
Superweek Races Rock Block
DATELINE: Whitefish Bay, WI
Apparently, the trend in this year's women's 3/4 Superweek races was to go blisteringly fast and then suddenly slow down. Perhaps this was in an effort to prove that several tenets of physics are in fact true. For example, when you are the person in front of a large group and you fail to maintain your rate of speed while the group behind you continues to maintain said rate of speed you get what is called in cycling terms, A Really Annoying Situation, or ARAS. It is precisely these situations that have caused officials to prohibit any blunt object from being carried in jersey pockets.
By Sunday my senses were dulled and I didn't really care how I did in this race, but I raced anyway because the lure of a sunny, summer day and a fast ride on Princess Cannondale is too great a temptation. On the upside, I saw lots and lots of opportunities to make some really great moves and turn myself into a Competitive Bike Racer. However, that seemed to me, at the time, to be quite a bit of work. So I decided to maintain my current status as Sitter Onner of Chase Group and did some fine watching of the neighborhood as I passed by on my bicycle. That's called fire-in-the-belly determination right there. I think I finished 123rd out of 50.
Look! Cousins! And both birthday girls! Yay and happy birthday, cool women.
The ever vigilant guard dog at the ready:
22 July 2006
Superweek Races Rock Block
DATELINE: Cudahy, WI
After checking my training program for the day and crossing out the part that said, "Race," and filling in, "Race for 10 laps, do what you didn't do in yesterday's race, go home to Kristin's, hang out with family," I can officially call myself a race photographer. I have no idea who these women are, but they are very fast, so I would suggest not challenging them to a bicycle race. Unless of course you enjoy not breathing.
Speaking of family, here is Kristin's backyard, also known as the state of Wisconsin.
Here are the Executive Officers of the Cheez-It Eaters Association of America:
21 July 2006
Superweek Races Rock Block
So I am so nervous at the start of this race that my brain actually exits from my head and goes over to the tent where a woman is selling beaded jewelry and my brain just hangs out there for several hours. As a result, I made every dumb race move imaginable, and some dumb moves that aren't even cycling related, such as fumbling the football inches from the end zone and swinging at an outside pitch when the count is 3-0. You can also include: pulling mightily through every single stretch of wind on the course and losing the field every single time around turn 2 and then having to haul it so hard to catch back up that breathing became a faint memory.
Finally I got the hang of it and watched the left side as some women jammed to the front going for a prime and the women who actually were in contention for the prime slowed waaaay down after they crossed the line, all this causing the entire field to shift to the right, which was not good news for the ABD rider who was at that time jamming to the front on the right side and was subsequently barrelled into the barricades in a spectacular crash.
Unfortunately, I didn't notice how the people that were behind the ABD rider didn't have enough room or time to move out of the way and so I was on the ground wondering what happened when I realized that I was just caught up in a crash that I didn't see coming although I saw all events leading up to the crash.
Meanwhile, my brain was at the bead tent trying on a very pretty purple-beaded bracelet.
Anyway, no harm done to me or Her Majesty of Cannondale, but much harm done to the ABD rider and I hope she is OK. Race starts up again with 6 to go and I make it around maybe three more laps until my legs go join my brain at the bead tent and without legs or a brain, bike racing is next to impossible.
For the record, I finished. I may have come in 503rd out of 62, but I finished and considering the trend that day, finishing is very good.
18 July 2006
16 July 2006
Today we rode 77 miles. Yes, in the 100-degree heat. It makes one reconsider one's definition of "sanity," perhaps.
Best sign of the day:
"You already possess all that is necessary to become great."
Best visual of the day:
Sprinklers (it was really, really hot). And also, our cheering section:
(Jason and Sydney)
Best temperature of the day:
84 degrees at 6:30am
Best strategic lesson of the day:
Do not attack the group 30 minutes into a 5-hour ride.
Best fun time of the day:
All day, because of these two--
14 July 2006
Whoever writes that Lost Blueprint blog is quite clever.
You want an Egg McMuffin . . . you want an Egg McMuffin . . .
13 July 2006
10 July 2006
RACE REPORT: 2-Man TT
First--it's a 2-person time trial, to be politically correct.
Second--you do it with a partner so you can't run screaming and crying into the cornfields, your bike left bereft and withered in the two-lane country road, wheels still spinning, water bottles leaking some unnaturally-colored liquid onto a road that is not a road but is really a path to hell.
I did the 2-person TT with Jennifer Hill who is a trooper. And by "trooper" what I really mean is, she laughs at my jokes. We took off at 74, which means 10:14 am to normal people. Jennifer pulled first. I thought we were cruising. We were, actually, not that anyone saw us, so take my word for it, we were hitting somewhere around 38 mph. It was sunny, it was warm, it was summer, and we were on bikes. What a life-is-so-sweet day.
And then we took the first corner.
To describe this as a wall of wind would be an obscene understatement. I watched my computer--all the numbers dropped so dramatically I wondered if I was losing altitude. Jennifer and I spent much time trying to find the elusive sweet spot. For the record, when the wind is coming from every direction and it's coming at you at 324 mph, there is no sweet spot.
The hills looked like hills from far away but then they dissipated into false flats and I do believe I heard one or two of them laughing at us. Jennifer and I maintained. We hydrated. We did a lot of this: "Shit." "Damn." We hit the third corner and that sweet black top and smooth pavement and tailwind and it was like a glorious spa day. We hit 42 mph. Sure we did.
Then we did another lap because who doesn't want to race into a giant hairdryer of wind that seems to be shooting out from endless cornfields? On the back stretch, we felt really strong, so we got off the bikes and did a quick run through the aforementioned cornfields (just for a change of pace and, yes, in our bike shoes) and then we hopped back on the bikes and finished 'er up.
And we're still standing. Rock it, partner.
By the way, the next time you are in a 2-person time trial, try this joke:
Did you hear that the Pope got the bird flu? Yeah. He got it from the Cardinal.
09 July 2006
08 July 2006
Alert Power Love reader Judy has written in with the following questions:
Was it Badger ice cream at Memorial Terrace?
mmmmm....i c e c r e a m.....
See why I love Wisconsin cows? Working for the public good. :)
Looks like you and Jeff had a great time!
(But I can't believe you only saw 13 hot guys...)
The answers, my dear friend, are as follows:
13 hot guys, yes, but only because Jeff and I both had to agree on that and Jeff refuses to believe that angst-ridden tattooed guys who brood are actually hot. Great time, yes. Wisconsin cows, wonderful beings. As for the ice cream--
JEFF, PLEASE ANSWER THE ICE CREAM QUESTION. VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!
05 July 2006
Madison Weekend Recap:
Number of knee-weakening hot guys spotted: 13
Number of people who returned my somewhat aggressive greetings during bike ride: 9
Number of pounds of ice cream consumed: not telling
Number of hours of good energy experienced: 8 bazillion
Jeff is now the five-time winnter of the Tour de Lillypad (nice job elbowing out the competition at the sprint, friend!)
Amurica is another year older. Here's Amurica:
Here's a really hot lifeguard. Go USA!
03 July 2006
We took a day off from the convention to race in a one-day classic race that is very famous in Madison: The Tour de Lillypad. Here are the sponsors:
Jeff is a very serious racer. He is a four-time winner of the Tour de Lillypad.
The race organizers forced Jeff to race on a hybrid after racers from last year complained about the unbelievable beating they took. Still, it did no good. Here's Jeff decimating the field.
02 July 2006
01 July 2006
Jeff and I are taking our regularly scheduled trip to the Hall of Justice Annual Meeting for Superheroes. The following is on the agenda this weekend:
1. Why the bionic woman should be promoted to superhero status
2. Why the bionic man should not be promoted to superhero status (he dated Farrah Fawcett, who quit "Charlie's Angels" after one season and subsequently broke my very young heart and is therefore a very bad person)
3. New crime fighting techniques (with and without invisible planes)
4. The latest developments in bat belts
There will also be panel discussions on the following topics:
1. If Batman and Superman got into a fight, who would win? (This is obviously a theoretical discussion as the Hall of Justice Mission Statement clearly forbids infighting among superheroes)
2. Aquaman--Amazing Lung Capacity or Steroids?
3. Capes--Intimidation or Fashion Faux Pas?
This is no laughing matter.